In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
