were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
