It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
