he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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