i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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