Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
