did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
