i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
