do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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