I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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