Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
