She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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