I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
