Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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