I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
