And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
