fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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