What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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