Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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