I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
