i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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