I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
