I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
