I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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