Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
