I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
