That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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