If i come over, it means nothing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
