I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
