I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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