then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
