Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
