i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
