he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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