ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
