Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
