I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
