Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
