My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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