She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
