just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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