I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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