I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
