u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
