I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
