Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
