Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
