What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
