My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
