Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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