i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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