So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
