I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
